hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
