tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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