I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
