have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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