Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
