I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
