You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
