Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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