here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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