My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
