we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize