Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
