just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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