he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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