Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
