So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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