Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
