He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
