Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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