wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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