it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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