I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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