I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
