Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
