the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
