dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
