Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
