Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
