i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
