i may or may not be watching the land before time
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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