you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
