first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
