I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize