Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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