Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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