just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
