you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
