My Higher Power is John Stamos
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
