Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We have started to decorate penises.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
