my shit smells like andre
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
