hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It's like God shit irony all over that family
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
