i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Im part way to drunk.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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