I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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