If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
