I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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