When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize