I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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