a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize