Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
