You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
