Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
