My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize