just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
