even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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