Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
