so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
