I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
