To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
