So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
