Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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