Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
