so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
