hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
