I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
