dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
