My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize