i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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