I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
