You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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