I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
