Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
