Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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