worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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